Where did February come from? I swear it was just Christmas! Anyway, along with the new month comes my monthly weigh-in - and I have been really dreading this one. I figured an early morning weigh-in after a particularly sweaty spin class would be just the thing, so I hopped onto the scale with a mixture of dread and excitement (heavy on the dread). I know the last month has been especially hard for me; I have slacked a bit at the gym (example: taking too many entire weekends off) and nutritionally (weekly pizza nights, extra cheating on weekends, chocolate after every lunch [I may or may not have a mini chocolate bar stash in my desk drawer at work...]) so I was particularly dreading this weigh in. I know that I haven't put on a lot of weight, my clothes can tell me that, but I just don't feel like I've lost anymore.
And therein lies the problem - how I feel! And this obsession I'm beginning to see within myself with that number...that three digit number that is starting to signify, at least in my mind, my fitness success. I know I am getting smaller, and just like on The Biggest Loser, it gets harder to 'put up big numbers' at each weigh-in. In some part of mind I knew that losing 4 pounds a month could not go on forever...I guess I just wasn't prepared for it to stop now (and especially in a month when I am wracked with guilt over my diet). So I lost 1 pound (about, as I did not weigh myself on a digital scale this time so I don't know the EXACT number) in the last month. Certainly better than gaining weight, and I know I should not complain, but I can't help but feeling a little down on myself. I know I could have done better if I was just that little bit more dedicated or worked just a little bit harder (I know I am starting to sound like one of those Biggest Loser contestants who loses 5 pounds in one week and starts crying on the scale because they felt like they let themselves down. I always scoff at those people and yell "you lost 5 ppunds - rejoice!" and now I've become one), so I am feeling a little down in the dumps today. I was really hoping to fall below that 130 level into the 120s, which I know for my height/body type is where I should be, so it's just frustrating knowing I have to wait another month to do so.
But perhaps the most frustrating thing is knowing exactly how to fix it and get back on track and just not wanting to. I know I need to, I know I have to or I am only letting myself down, but I quite enjoyed splurging on pizza and chocolate and dinners out and delicious drinks. I loved it. I wasn't as strict with my food diary and it did give me a kind of freedom (if I don't write it down I didn't eat it?!). I know that fixing these things and setting myself back on the right path will produce results because it has in the past, but part of me just wants to sulk and pout and say "screw it!" Is this productive? No. Will this only lead to more pain in the end because I will be that much further away from my goals? Of course - but the mind is never rational (in fact, my mind is quite a treasonous biatch if I may say so...); the mind always wants the easy way out. And it's frustrating to be battling your own body and your own psychological limitations along with battling self doubt (is this it? Have I plateaued?), cravings (mmm pizza...) and a lack of motivation.
Does anyone have any ideas of how to make this month my come-back month? A month where I kill it in the gym and rock it on the scale? Anyone? I've thought of changing up my workout routine (more classes) or even signing up for CrossFit (it's on Dealfind today!), but I just don't know if these things will work or only push me further down into my lack-of-motivation vortex. No one ever said this would be easy, but being confronted with cold, hard numbers proving it isn't just sucks.
Ah the plateau and the relapse. It happens. Unfortunately, I don't have any tips on how to break through it... dieting/working out is pretty simple (ie. burn more than you consume) but actually doing it? No idea.
ReplyDeleteI moved my exercise bike in front of my Playstation. That was my solution.
Sounds like you didn't plateau Alli. You didn't feel like you did everything and the numbers didn't match. That's good news! It means this month you won't feel like you're just spinning your wheels.
ReplyDeleteI've worked on my weight most of my life, and though I am NO expert, that's for sure, I'm usually the winner (battles, never the war!!). *With the exception of the last 8 months + the 9 previous!!!*
Sounds like you're asking for motivation advice. So here goes...have a definite goal. Buy a pair of pants/dress that are a size too small, or a date you HAVE to weigh/look a certain way. The 2 times I had a set goal, I was so motivated, it was insane (like cried when someone put butter on my potato insane). There was no way that pizza was coming anywhere near my mouth with only 2 months, 1 month, 2 weeks to go!! I'm sure for the biggest loser constestants, it's the money! I know they're all going through a lifestyle change ect., but I bet they are all their lowest weight on the day they weigh in for $500,000. With a goal, I find it doesn't mean more classes, or a stricter diet, as that can backfire, just means I would stick to my regime, and be less likely to sabatoge my efforts (for example yesterday I went to the gym, then told myself it was ok to eat pizza because I went to the gym! I'm going to take my own advice starting tomorrow!)
I haven't been motivated lately, because I have the best excuse in the book - just had a baby. But, I'm done with that! I have a closet full of clothes that I'm DYING to wear again, so it's on!!
Love reading your blog Alli, you're such a great writer and the topic is near and dear to so many peoples hearts! I also share your thoughts on healthy eating and working out - SUCKS!
Brandice
Brandi, you are so right! I suppose it's like the chicken and the egg - all month I kinda felt like I was slowing down/plateauing, so I (self-destructedly) thought "well I'm already slowing down I may as well just eat this whole pizza!" I just need to get my motivation back and have a set goal in mind. For so long it's been to "lose weight" and I've been seeing results so it's been easy to keep on track. Lately as I've slowed down a bit (natural process) it's harder to stay motivated because the results aren't so immediate/drastic.
ReplyDeleteI do the exact same thing as you - treat myself to a pizza because I worked out so it's okay! And once in awhile that's fine (as long as you've worked out that day I think you should be able to cheat OCCASIONALLY!)
I've also struggled with my weight/body issues since I can remember - I know I've never been fat or obese but I've also never been happy with the way I look. I'm so glad you can relate and that you enjoy reading my ramblings! Hopefully we can share ideas and keep each other motivated. And you definitely have a great (and super cute!!) excuse for a lack of motivation. Playing with Lucy sure beats the heck out of a treadmill any day I am sure! You're beautiful and will fit all your fabulous pre-Lucy clothes in no time I know it! And it's so true...being healthy sucks!!